5 posts tagged “parenting”
What did you do in 2008 that you have never done before?
Also, in the process of understanding my role as a parent, I think i said "no" too much during the earlier part of this year. I thought about this whilst on vacation with my family and resolved to do better, to know that parenting isn't just protecting and restricting but also about teaching a child to question limits and go out and experience things. This seems to be doubly true and needed in the case of my brother, and I'm glad I had this epiphany and reformed.
Before going to school today, my brother called upon my wisdom with these queries:
- Aren't ants weird?
- Are fruit flies bad?
- If Yoda is staring at me while I make a sandwich, should I say 'no'?
Which is all to say, while I let the blog slip for awhile, life has gone on.
Summer concluded with a 11-day trip visiting my husband's family and then a week of back-to-school scurrying. Now we're trying to get back into swing of the school pattern: up in the morning, catching the bus, doing homework, meeting new people and learning new things. The big challenge this year is my brother's advanced math class; due to his work last year and high test scores, he is leaping up from the class with special assistance straight into advanced. He's intimidated, but I really think he's up to it.
Other than managing his time and helping with homework, I'm also busy with work, art, and a few side projects. I'm back to doing a few web design projects (mostly for love, not money), so I'm dusting off my HTML, PHP, and CSS skills and mainly using WordPress to make me look smarter than I am. :)
Both my art blog and this one have been on the back burner since vacation, but I'm hoping to get back in the swing of things. I'm sure brother being back in school will aid in that--both by giving me more quiet time to myself and, when he comes home, peppering me with more amusing questions.
I swear to god, I should make a blog just with the questions my brother asks me on any given day. Kind of the opposite of Things I Learned Today, a friend-of-a-friend's blog.
Today's memorable gems:
- Why do people think it's a bad idea that we bought Alaska?
- What does it mean when the cat looks at me like that?
- Would it be bad if people in Egypt stoned you?
- What does it mean to scan something?
- What do apples with peanut butter taste like?
Most people who have kids had time to either grow up with them or grow into their roles as parents. Since that wasn't the case for me, sometimes I look around and get a little anxious and awed. Thinking on this, I just said to my husband, "You know, when I was younger I used to make the old argument about a parenting license for all sorts of reasons that weren't about me, thinking instead not just of parents who are abusive or neglectful, but also those who don't teach their kids to be respectful of others, don't want to spend time helping them with schoolwork, and so on. Now, I am still for that license--but for me. It sure would give me some backup, some confidence about what I'm doing."
Everything's going to be okay, I'm licensed for situation just like this!
(True story: Just as I typed those words, the little brother comes in the door with a majorly scraped up knee for me to bandage. I need a license, I tell ya.)
This is the rub: All happiness will be bittersweet.
I've experienced happiness this year and know more will follow, but it's undergone some emotional equivalent to a chemical reaction; it's not happiness as I knew it before...because my mother isn't here to share it with me/us.
I've been up since five this morning, anxious and sad. Today, my brother graduates elementary school. Registering him for first grade in the summer of 2002, she had no reason to think she wouldn't be here today. Nearly five years of homework and studying, learning and struggling. Pencils, rulers, glue. Buying this year's school supplies, I know Mum had a shadow of doubt over the year ahead; she knew it was statistically unlikely she would be here today. And, as each quarter passed us by, every report card marked a turning point:
- When I wrote of his first report card with straight As, she was living with cancer, and I had moved in to help her and my brother as best I could.
- His teacher sent home his second quarter report card--again, straight As--early, so he could share it with Mum. I opened it excitedly at home and gave M a big hug. Then we called my mother's Hospice room, and a close family friend conveyed the news to Mum, so she could be part of the moment. I brought the report card when I visited Mum that evening and left it with her. She died later that night.
- M's third round of straight As...I couldn't tell if it was a greater victory for him or for me, a sort of basic validation that I hadn't screwed him up too bad (yet). I didn't have a decade of experience being his parent; I was never anyone's go-to person for homework help.
She's not here, but I am, trying to make the best choices to help this little boy be everything he can. At any given moment it can be a joy or a frustration, overwhelming and exciting, blissful and exhausting. Right now, minutes away from waking him up to experience his last day of elementary school, it's all of these things at once. I am so proud, so proud...of him, of us.
